NO ONE IS ACTUALLY VEGAN BECAUSE EVERYONE EATS A LOT OF SPIDERS WHEN THEY SLEEP
SPIDERS ARE ARACHNIDS NOT ANIMALS IN YOUR FACE.
Even though I don’t eat honey and avoid red dye 40 like the plague butthoseareinsectssofuckyou.
BUT STILL.
Veganism is about conscious decision making regarding ones dietary habits and the rights of animals. If I’m unconscious and someone throws a slice of bacon down my throat:
1. I am still vegan because I didn’t throw the bacon down my throat.
2. I will be in the hospital for the next week projectile vomiting like the goddamn Exorcist.
3. When I get out of the hospital, I will hunt that motherfucker down and force feed them every poisonous berry and leaf I can find. OH, YOU’RE ALLERGIC TO SPINACH? AND YOU’RE ASLEEP? GUESS WHAT, MOTHERFUCKER. Unless it’s a deadly allergy like peanuts because that’s not okay. Hives > death. WANT SOME BELLADONNA? HERE, HAVE SOME DATURA TEA. OH, DOES THAT FEEL LIKE AWFUL AND DEATH? WHAT A SHAME. YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DIE, YOU’LL JUST FEEL LIKE YOU’RE GOING TO DIE.
HEY GUYS REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME I SLEPT OVER THAT GIRL’S HOUSE AND HER MOM USED BEEF BROTH IN RICE AND DIDN’T TELL ME AND IT TASTED LIKE DEATH BUT I LIED BECAUSE I’M POLITE AND SHE LAUGHED IN MY FACE WHILE SHE HELD UP THE BOX AND TOLD ME I ATE MEAT AND I LIKED IT
AND THEN I PROCEEDED TO GET SO SICK MY MOM ALMOST HAD ME HOSPITALIZED BECAUSE MY BODY COULDN’T HANDLE IT?
Good times.
remember when i said this:
it will make my day if that last post starts floating around tumblr and then people think i was serious and like get angry and reblog with long seriously written attacks against me explaining why that post is dumb
well consider my day made!
No, I don’t because I don’t read your blog. However, I did recognize the joke and if you can’t tell, I decided to go with it for funsies and make an equally ridiculous counter-point. I didn’t call the post dumb, I didn’t attack you, and apparently the laws of humor only affect your side but that’s legit.
Other people can’t use caps lock to be humorous, too, I guess. OH WELL.
BACK TO LE DRAWING BOARD.
Glad I made your day, though!
